I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
too bad you live with your parents still
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
