whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
