I can't watch pbs sober anymore
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize