life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
