were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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