apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
