Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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