btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize