somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
soo... how was my night?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
