mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
