i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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