textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Randomize
