You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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