So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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