morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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