He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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