Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
