I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I cannot find my penis.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Are my feet made of real feet?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize