So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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