i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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