a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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