last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
