we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
