You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
