mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
