Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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