The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
