Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
