i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
