True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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