i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
