So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
And then he peed in my hair
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