btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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