I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i think i have two assholes
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
this is an emotional support booty call
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
