The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
nutella sex= disaster
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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