a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Did I show you my penis last night?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
