There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize