I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
