you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
