did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize