Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
