You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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