it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
