Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize