Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize