so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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