I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
