Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
