so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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