i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just pee around me
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
