I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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