Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
pop tarts are not kleenex
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's shark week go big or go home
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
