I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
