And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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