Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
