Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
