My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
