I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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