another moral hangover. fuck.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
