He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
