do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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