can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
