if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
