The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
