New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
