eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
