I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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