I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
