So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
