is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize