I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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