ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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