i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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