i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Don't EVER smell your tampon
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
