if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
